Dirty Jokes and Beer

I realised, just this now reflecting back on things, how much of a different state of living I have found myself. I reference back to my first year of Uni, my first year of independance. I know why this particular point... and yet I am trying to find reasons for why this still holds as a most special time of my life as everything has moved on and shifted as time went on.

We are still all so young, and yet I feel so much older. Someone once said to me.. that I was a radical, a dreamer. I took those words as the greatest compliment I have ever recieved, and by remembering those words I am saddened by the fact of how much I am now not. I am so plagued by worries of money, of my future, my studies.. that I am somewhat forgetting that the most important things are the most simple. All I seem to do nowadays is complain about how imperfect my connections are, my worry about the presence of wrinkles, the fact that I am concerned with how my post-grad studies will hold. Do I even want a career in Science? Is that really what I am meant to be doing?

Even writing this, I am betraying my ideals. I think a change is needed. I need to return to things as they were. Although change is something one can not avoid, personal things need not change so dramatically such that they are replaced... forgotten. I think my problem is that my ideal state of being is only that... an IDEA. It has been granted a place in reality for a few months, back in first year, but it was lost. It was destroyed and I was responsible for it. I live with the guilt, but also with very important lessons that I value most. This year of Philosophy studies is exactly what I've been saying: a year off, a break, a holiday. I am sure I will find a comfortable path in which to take, I remain optimistic about it.

The future is so bright that I'm going to need fucking sunglasses.

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... Maybe I should cut my hair.

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Medieval camp was much fun. Despite the sun exposure, it was wonderful to get out there and do something new, meet some nice people. Next time though: must remember to save enough as to keep my supply of flavoured milks aplenty! I slept okay in the tent thanks to someone lending me a night-light. ^_^



I look forward to the day my sword skills are adequate enough and I am armoured up in gear. To battle!

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BTW: GOOD NEWS

MASTODON have announced that are coming to Australia this round of tours for the new album. It was in Drum Media I believe this week. Please come to Perth!!!!! !!!

!!!!!

I'm starting to think I made a rash dicision doing this year of Philosophy. I am worried my essays will not be good enough to prove that I am doing all I can. I have studied and researched my essays quite extensively, I have more than enough material, and yet, in the process of writing them, I have found myself incapable of expressing adequately the ideas of these philosophers.

I think my problem is that I am too fond of my lecturer and his teachings, that I am worried that my essays will not be up to good standards. I will pass them, of course, but, I am wanting to do so well to live up to his remarks last year: that I am *good* at what I do in his class, that I understand the concepts and can do very well with this major. I dont want to let him down... basically. ;__;

Zeno, Parmenides, Leibniz: share with me your insight!