I need a plan.

The days are starting to run together. Wake up. Shower. Internet. Tea. Work. Internet. Music. MSN. Sleep.. repeat.

Of course, this is my own fault for digging myself into such a routine. "Oh, I have work tomorrow, I best not go out today." "Sure I can work, I'll be doing nothing anyway." Maybe work is the problem. It's always the problem. Even though it's so rewarding come payday... it takes away time that can be used...

Maybe I should quit my job. I'm not happy letting it create a schedule for my life. Yes, I do realise I work considerably less than most out there.... yes, I'm pathetic for not being able to put aside a few hours of my week. .... If I give up now, how in the hell am I going to last 40 odd years in the working life?

I have only 10 months or so of freedom left. 10 more months till I'm out of Uni, and off government assistance. I need a plan.

It seems like I'm waiting... for something. Life is always about waiting. When you are younger, you crave to enter those highschool years. In highschool, you can't wait to be outta there and on your own in the world. In Uni, you're waiting till you can finish your degree and then look forward to spending half your life working for someone. You wait for love, for holidays, for laughs. When these things are actually happening you take them for granted... you blank out into someone else.... memories of nights ago seem like a dream. Did I really have that moment? Why can't I feel that same way again? What happened? Why do things have to change?

Walking down the street... the sun setting. Alone. Many thoughts... wanderings... what if's. If we know and acknowledge that our younger years are slipping away so fast, why do we do the same monotonous thing over and over again. Things happen... but you are set in a state of mind that this is what you're supposed to do. Your supposed to head on into work at 5pm. You are meant to come home to where you live. No, you can't plan a spontaneous trip across the country because you have things to do here. Rent, tying us down. Friends, loving them too much to pack up and live in another country. We make our own world that expects things from us, we don't own our lives. Although we can try to take hold of it again... an obscure moment outside of what we normally expect.

One night I'm going to follow the moon, just keep walking in its direction. When it finally sets as morning comes, that is where I'm going to sleep.

I need a plan...