Black Hole Sun

Today has been good!

Mike came round yesterday and we spent the night trying to fix my sound on this computer (to no success) and watching Pink Floyd's DVD Pulse. God, that concert is amazing. I get shivers when I see the plane going across the arena, and during the guitar solo of Comfortably Numb. Floyd were truly the definition of musical brilliance.

In the morning we headed into Freo for some breakfast, coffee and croissant.. heaven. Took a peek around the markets, and Mike bought me a guitar pick, which has given me inspiration to actually get back into playing some tunes. I want an acoustic, the authentic sound. My guitar is, although faithful, terribly out of tune and has seen many a plucking of the strings.. was admiring some in Cash Converters.

Said goodbye to Mike at the train-station, it's a shame that this has all happened right before he leaves. The best things always happen at the worst times. Although, on second thought, it is a perfect time. I think I am unable to maintain any sort of relationship when we are both in a reachable distance, while I enjoy the company immensely, I can't help but feel like they want to be doing something else, or forming doubts about everything.

BUT. I am following the wise words of my friend Joel and not letting anything get to me this time round. Going with the flow, takin' it nice and easy, and just enjoy it. After all, that's what it's all about, worry about everything else when they happen. I just hope Mike can stick up with me until such a time I can let go of my quiet and awkward nature that obscures my opening up with someone who I haven't spent a long long time in person with.

On that thought, I think I am becoming somewhat of an internet/cyber space recluse. I feel perfectly fine about talking and chatting away on the internet, all my conversational problems disappear and feel right at home with a keyboard. When it comes to face to face talking, I mumble... and my mind wonders. I become hard to deal with, and lame.
Although, I have worked on it to a degree that I am able to handle one on one conversation, I am still the shy Jen that I am when in a group. But, that's just who I am I suppose.

When I got home from Fremantle today I lazed about home, cracked open a bottle of wine that I was saving for days like these and listened to a few albums. At sunset, I went for a walk to the lake (yes, I found it!). After two years and several night time expeditions, I was beginning to doubt it's existence. But, foolish as I was, never ventured off far into the street enough and as of in this house, the entrance is a mere minute or two away from here.
The lake was beautiful, I walked a bit around it and found a bench overlooking it. I sat down and listened to Moby's song 18. And.. I've got to tell you, it was fucking beautiful. So calming, so nice. The simple pleasures in life are always the best ones.

After that walk I came home and started a list of the things I want to do in my lifetime. Some can be achieved if circumstances permit them, some are dependent on having the money to do so, and others are to be a reflection of oneself, whether or not I can find the inspiration in life and motivation to do them.

... Arrgh! It's happening! The Summer days at home have lead me to obscure thoughts beyond my everyday, aiming and pondering over things that could happen, or what I hope to happen. This can either be a good thing, it can lead me to great revelations and a stronger optimism of life, or it can lead to a spiraling season depression that only the constant routine of the semester study can fix. Although, I still maintain my opinion that this Summer will be different, with all the Dream Theater business, Mike and moving house and such.. it has got off to a really good start.

11:09pm. No-one online. House is quiet. Stuarts BBQ got cancelled, although I might be seeing him tomorrow, he said he has a bunch of kitchenware that I can have, will be good to see him and Susan again. I am also (shock) going to lunch with Mum and Merv. This is the first test of out new found truce. I hope it goes okay, I am a different person to who I was when he knew me, I hope he sees that.